Jokes!

Ugly People

A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies. They then get to meet their maker, and because of the grief they have experienced; He decides to grant them one wish each, before they enter Paradise.

They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. "I want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done.

The second one in line hears this and says "I want to be gorgeous too."

Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.
This goes on for a while but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in line starts laughing. When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing.
Finally, God reaches this guy and asks him what his wish will be.

The guy calms down and says: " Make 'em all ugly again."



Toilet paper
A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys her a full length mirror.

This does little to help, as now she just stands in front of the mirror, looking at herself, asking him how she looks.

One day, fresh out of the shower, she is yet again in front of the mirror, now complaining that her breasts are too small.Uncharacteristically, the husband comes up with a suggestion.

"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper,and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."

Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper and stands in front of the mirror, and began rubbing it between her breasts. "How long will this take?" she asks.

"They'll grow larger over a period of years," he replies. The wife stops. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts everyday will make my breasts grow over the years?" she asks.

The husband shrugs. "Why not, it worked for your ass, didn't it?"


Guys Must see this!

Daniel wakes up at home with a huge hangover.

He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a
couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.

He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and
pressed.

Daniel looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order,
spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table.

"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping.

LoveYou!"

So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and
the morning newspaper.

His son is also at the table, eating.

Daniel asks: "Son, what happened last night?"

His son says: "Well, you came home around 3 am drunk and delirious.
Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black
eye when you stumbled into the door."

Confused, Daniel asks: "So,why is everything in order and so clean, and
breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies" "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she
tried to take your pants off, you said,"LADY,LEAVE ME ALONE,I"M
MARRIED!!"(Guys you better memorise this till it becomes second nature.)

MORAL of the tale:

Self-induced hangover -- $100.00
Broken furniture -- $2,000.00
Breakfast -- $10.00
Saying The Right Thing While Drunk -- PRICELESS